Escaping Misery Freedom in Giving

Imagine that there's a moment in your life when you say good-bye to your happiness forever, just because somebody touched that core in you responsible for your will to fight, and shattered it involuntarily. It's truly frightening to think about all the things people can do, without a slightest apprehension of what is being done.

So, if someone puts you in the dark with one easy movement, instead of fighting for your right to be the way you are--to be yourself--you're giving up, it's like... Well, how could I describe it better? It's like meeting a truck on the road when you're going full speed (you, not the truck), and you're making a choice that turns out to be stupid. You realize it only when you see the truck, and you feel that there is no way back, so you just give in to what's in front of you--despair. Despair takes the firm grip of your heart, and squeezes it tight enough to make you lose your mind.

No matter how bizarre it may sound, but if you're desperate enough to go out on the street, yelling, crying, asking for help, or cursing your life, it doesn't mean you're giving up. I think it's pretty much the opposite. Tears mean struggle. Crying, you're not accepting your reality, but you're rejecting your pain because of its unfairness, and you unwelcome it.

When you truly give up, it's totally different. When you see that truck you're going to crush into, and accept all the despair you have rejected for so long, hope slips away completely at that moment. You're too shallow for tears. You feel like it's over. That's it. Lights off. In your mind the picture of your life slowly turns black and white, and it becomes clear that after you've experienced so many personal dramas nobody knew about, you just good-byed your heart to hell. Well, if you did that, where all the tears should be coming from?

The funny thing is that even though you're going through the worst moments of your life, the next day you think it can be fixed. You just don't realize that everything changed when you made a decision.